


To Remain Unseen

by HappyHypocrite



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Death, Depressing, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad, Written like a diary entry, i cried while i wrote this, my thoughts on Connor’s suicide, my thoughts on suicide in general, read this to feel sad, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 10:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16448285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyHypocrite/pseuds/HappyHypocrite
Summary: Why did I write this?Because depression,plus I’ve made a lot of mistakes recently and life is feeling duller.I don’t know why you’d read this unless you want to be sad???





	To Remain Unseen

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I write this?  
> Because depression,  
> plus I’ve made a lot of mistakes recently and life is feeling duller.
> 
> I don’t know why you’d read this unless you want to be sad???

The people I know are aware of just enough. They’d care for a day, a week, a month, they’d live on with my life as an insignificant blur. 

A blur, that’s all I’d be. Years would go by and I’d be a million problems, a disorganized, a humorous, a loud, a sarcastic, an obnoxious, an aggressive, a mystery, a shell of a person.

Because, not a living thing would ever know who I was, what I wanted. They wouldn’t see the scars, the tears, the things that mattered so much in the moment. They’d see a blur. They’d know a moment, a sentence, a warning, a threat, a sign, nothing more. 

They’d see a hollow room, they’d open a book and find a set a razors. They’d remember and be angry, maybe empty, all because I was too tired. Too fucking tired to move.

And too tired to stomach another day of fearful faces of those a brother, a son, a nephew, is supposed to love. Love has been so lost from the life I lead. I take it as a sign, when my mother flinches when I yell, I shouldn’t be here. 

I belong with the pained screams of the damned. I never believed in a hell, a heaven. However, if there were to be, my destination would be clear. 

I’m akin to an emptiness a person shouldn’t know. I’m a shadow, a deadweight on people’s lives, and it’s so much easier to survive without a glooming burden. So much easier if I were gone.  
It’s so much easier to die and escape the burden the face the flames.

So I’ll leave,  
I’ll run from the weight of an unnecessary existence, and in a few years time, I’ll be nothing, as it were preordained early in my empty life. I’d be nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t worry about me guys,  
> this is just a vent, I’ll be fine.  
> I hope you’re all safe.


End file.
